My Thoughts on Depression by Bonnie Trio.

I feel so empty inside and void of any real feelings.  No matter if I sit or stand, no matter if I walk, there are shrouds hanging around me.  There feels to be no end to them.  The only escape is in the late evening to sleep in a dead slumber.  It’s only then possible to take the weight of the world off my heart.  The state of indifference evolves as I walk past shroud after shroud.  There are shadows of sadness that find me even in the light of day.  It’s like being the living dead; neither present in this world or of that beyond.

Being is this space is as though I’m at an in between space.  This is such a strange place to be.  So strange, I’m not aware of being.  There is nothing to do but wait.  I must endure this service until the shrouds lift so that my body, mind, and soul can reconnect.  Perhaps only those who have experience sever depression will understand my explanation.  It is something un-describable to many.  That’s how I felt the black hole of depression to be.  There is no top or bottom, and the directions don’t mean anything.

God, why have you put me in such a place?  Is this my penance for all I’ve done wrong?   It is a deafening silence that makes me forget how to pray.  What could I say to you that you don’t already know?  And I sit day after day, through the weeks that have turned into months.  Can you just lift the shroud long enough to let me know I’m still alive?  This is unacceptable, and I try not to blame you, but where do I go?  I have been so patient, just give me a sign.  I have been religiously taking my medicine and going to therapy.  Please help me pull these shrouds from my face so I can breathe in fresh air.

Little by little it happened.  I started to feel the energy from the sun, and I wanted to get up out of bed to be in daylight.  The clinging shrouds dropped away from my legs, and I could walk purposefully.

Used by permission.

This page last updated on:  Friday April 23, 2004.